Some Christmas Reading (various)
(Not a review, just some notes to help me remember the things I've read. But written this way because it's the Internet, and some people will stumble across this page.)
LAST ENTRY OF THE YEAR!
As the year winds down, I remember reading a holiday story or two last year, and I thought doing so this year might put me in the mood. Plus, I discover that a former student of mine has a second book of poetry published, and it is a holiday collection. So I scoped out some free kindle books before trolling Project Gutenberg for stories or novellas to finish out the year. It was an interesting experience.
A note to myself for next year: when searching for "free kindle Christmas ebooks" make sure to include "-romance", because the first few pages of results will be Hallmark Channel wannabes, even if they include elves or vampires or Lord knows what else. Okay, without further ado:
Book One
First up was A Country Christmas (2021) by Azmat Hussein. The date is not on the cover, but it appears to be a part of the title. This book was so terrible that it was terribly entertaining. I would NOT have read past the first few pages except for the fact that it was only 38 pages long with an estimated reading time of less than an hour. It took longer because I stopped to laugh often. It is unintentionally amusing.
When I saw the book on Amazon, I assumed it would take place in rural Pennsylvania or somewhere down south. Actually, the story takes place in Vermont, although I may have missed this being mentioned in the first paragraph. It wasn't mentioned again. Likewise, I'm not sure of the year because of the quaint references, plus references to a war. Again, this isn't exactly a choice candidate for close reading of the text.
What's wrong with this book? For one thing, I would suspect that English is not Azmat Hussain's first language. For another, it seems like the book was translated, for the most part, by software such as Google Translate, with some crazy thesaurus usage during the editing phase. It was definitely edited because of what was supposed to be regioanl dialect in spots. Odd contractions of words, and things like "pears" for "appears". It was hysterical to read, even if because some passages had a poetic beauty to them that fell flat on their faces before they ended because of some poor word choice. Two outstanding memories: a woman sitting on a coprolite (I could find no other defintion besides fossilized dung) and the Aunt jerking in the closet. In the latter case, the closet seems to be her kitchen, and she was dancing. (Dis)honorable mention goes to "the dainty shoe tapped the bare bottom impatiently", which is refering to the bare floors of the house.
What is this story about? I haven't a clue. A writer visiting his Aunt Plumy in Vermont, and there are a bunch of other people around. I couldn't keep track because the writing itself was a distraction.
I checked Good Reads and Azmat Hussein has over two dozen books listed, many of them Christmas books. This one wasn't there. I didn't add it because the copy I downloaded had no publication information, other than the 2021 in the title.
If you can download this for free, this could be the next The Eye of Argon, the Christmas variant.
Book Two
Two disclosures: First, this volume of poetry was written by a former student of mine (I'm a math teacher, who sometimes writes). Second, this is not the book that I planned on downloading. I saw this when I was looking for Christmas books.
Hectic Holidays by Heaven Santiago is the author's second collection this year. Written after Thanksgiving, it's about the mixed, conflicting feelings and emotions we may feel this time of year between Thanksgiving and New Years. There is some wonderful wordplay in some stanzas while others are brutally honest dealing with the realities of her world. (I can't say that I can relate to all of it, but maybe some of it.)
I don't fancy myself a judge of good poetry (as most people who know me know that I soured on most of it before I was a teen). But I'm happy to see a young writer finding her voice. And Heaven, if you somehow see this, yes, I chose those words with care. I wish you candy cane hugs and Hershey kisses for the holidays and the new year.
Book Three
A Christmas Novel by Stephen Leacock is a short story of fewer than 50 pages. It was also produced by whoever created the Country Christmas book above. This was obvious not only from the bad formatting, particularly with the quotation marks along with lack of spacing after punctuation, but also from overuse of the word "veritably", overuse and misuse of the "commodity" (not sure what they were going for), and the frequent use of "Noway" possibly meaning "never". Unlike the previous book, this one mostly reads as a normal book except for these jarring verbal slaps. (Like I what assume to be a mistranslation with a reference to "The House That Jack Erected" (emphasis mine).) So it isn't unintentionally amusing, but it's not intentionally good either.
There's a little tale of a man named Joe, talking to Father Time, who recounts Christmases from long ago, even back to Babylon and Ancient Egypt because there's always been a Christmas. While they are talking, they spot Father Christmas outside and invite him in. He dries out his books that the little ones don't seem to want any more. Children today have lost their awe and sense of wonder. And it's something that needs to be addressed in today's world.
Book Four
Sneaky's Christmas Mystery by Debbie De Louise is listed as Cobble Cove Stories Book 2. There's a cat with a Santa hat on the cover. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but this is not a great cover. And it's not a great book, either. There's a cat and a library and a bunch of talking. The book was only 32 pages and I lasted my usual 10% and then bailed on it. It wasn't good writing, wasn't good reading and I wasn't wasting time.
Book Five
The Christmas Eve Crash Landing by John O'Boyle turned out to be a picture book. LOL. I read it anyway. It started like "Twas the Night Before Christmas" but went its own way, even though it had the same meter (which seemed a little forced at times). Santa's sleigh broke down -- it has an engine and the reindeer are just for show -- and the protagonist has to help him fix it while everyone else is frozen in time. You'd think Santa might've asked the responsible adult who might have some experience with engines, instead a kid who says maybe whack it with a hammer.
Book Six
Frosty Blend by Kennedy Layne is another abandoned book. I stayed with it for about 10 pages but it just didn't grab me. It didn't repel me either but I had the feeling I wasn't going to finish it, so I bailed early so I could move onto the next novella. Too much of an info dump in the opening and the cat/familiar interrupted the narrative a few times. There's a witch and her mother is marrying a vampire, and the cat is friends with the vampire. And ... there's probably more but I didn't care about it. This book was listed as "a Paramour Bay Cozy Paranormal Mystery Number 15", so I could be reasonably sure that the author's style wasn't going to change any as the story progressed. After 15 books, one usually has that their writing style pretty much set. **** Okay, I just took a quick check. There are 23 books in the series, so far, and the first one has a publication date of 2018! Twenty-three books in three years? Is she writing a cable sit-com? No judgment because she's obviously making bank. Just not from me, I downloaded one book for free and I'm fine with that.
Book Seven
Old Christmas by Washington Irving. It wasn't really short stories, more like five essays which were strung together into one narrative, traveling to get home for Christmas with a big collection of family and friends. I liked the "old world" charm of it all but is was hard to keep up with. And, again, nothing really happens because it's an eassy. This could've been a standalone entry on the blog (and added into my book count for the year). But it's short, and I didn't want to comment on it much because there isn't much to it.
Book Eight
Christmas Elf, Christmas Stories, Funny Jokes, and Amazing Christmas Activities by Arnie Lightning. That's a great pen name. This was a cute book, and had I read it before Christmas, I might've looked for a paperback copy to give me my nephew. (He might be just past the age for this.) There are a handful of stories about Tinsel the Christmas Elf, who Santa made the Chief Christmas Spirit Elf, cheering up a different child each year. The stories are cute and touching. The jokes are riddles of the "Sandy Claws" variety and totally unapologetic. The activities are 3 holiday-themed "Find 10 Differences Puzzles", which were a little of challenge. Nice job, Mr. Lightning. A great way to end my Christmas reading for the year!
My 2021: Year in Review will publish on New Years Day!
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